Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 16, 2003 13:58:00 GMT -5
::)Yeah, I've seen Mad Max "The film that started it all" and Mad Max "Beyond Thunderdome". In fact, I own them and Road Warrior. I love Mel. Okaaaay......? Why?
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 16, 2003 13:58:00 GMT -5
::)Yeah, I've seen Mad Max "The film that started it all" and Mad Max "Beyond Thunderdome". In fact, I own them and Road Warrior. I love Mel. Okaaaay......? Why?
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:55:02 GMT -5
The age-old question
A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question, "How did I get here?" Her mother told her, "God sent you. " Did God send you, too?" asked the child. "Yes, Dear," the mother replied. "What about Grandma and Grandpa?" the child persisted. "He sent them also," the mother said. "Did he send their parents, too?" asked the child. "Yes, Dear, He did," said the mother patiently. "So you're telling me that there has been no sex in this family for 200 years! No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here."
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:55:02 GMT -5
The age-old question
A 2nd grader asked her mother the age-old question, "How did I get here?" Her mother told her, "God sent you. " Did God send you, too?" asked the child. "Yes, Dear," the mother replied. "What about Grandma and Grandpa?" the child persisted. "He sent them also," the mother said. "Did he send their parents, too?" asked the child. "Yes, Dear, He did," said the mother patiently. "So you're telling me that there has been no sex in this family for 200 years! No wonder everyone's so grouchy around here."
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:46:49 GMT -5
How many do you remember? My Dad was cleaning out my grandmother's house and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old. ****************************************************** How Many Do You Remember?? Head lights dimmer switches on the floor Ignition switches on the dashboard Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall Real ice boxes [Ask your Mom about that] Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals. ******************************************* Older Than Dirt Quiz Count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! Ratings at the bottom. 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottle 5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P. F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H Green Stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulb 20. Packard's 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0- 05 = You're still young 6-10 = You are getting older 11-15 = Don't tell your age, 16-25 = You're older than dirt!
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:46:49 GMT -5
How many do you remember? My Dad was cleaning out my grandmother's house and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to "sprinkle" clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old. ****************************************************** How Many Do You Remember?? Head lights dimmer switches on the floor Ignition switches on the dashboard Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall Real ice boxes [Ask your Mom about that] Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards. Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner. Using hand signals for cars without turn signals. ******************************************* Older Than Dirt Quiz Count all the ones that you remember -- not the ones you were told about! Ratings at the bottom. 1. Blackjack chewing gum 2. Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water 3. Candy cigarettes 4. Soda pop machines that dispensed bottle 5. Coffee shops with tableside jukeboxes 6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers 7. Party lines 8. Newsreels before the movie 9. P. F. Flyers 10. Butch wax 11. Telephone numbers with a word prefix (Olive - 6933) 12. Peashooters 13. Howdy Doody 14. 45 RPM records 15. S&H Green Stamps 16. Hi-fi's 17. Metal ice trays with lever 18. Mimeograph paper 19. Blue flashbulb 20. Packard's 21. Roller skate keys 22. Cork popguns 23. Drive-ins 24. Studebakers 25. Wash tub wringers If you remembered 0- 05 = You're still young 6-10 = You are getting older 11-15 = Don't tell your age, 16-25 = You're older than dirt!
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:44:31 GMT -5
Stupid Forever ===============
During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
Author Unknown
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:44:31 GMT -5
Stupid Forever ===============
During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
Author Unknown
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:23:20 GMT -5
Rating Hangovers
1 star hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and a side of gravy fries.
2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke -- yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
5 star hangover (*****) AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your house.
6 star hangover (******) otherwise known as the "Infinite Nutsmacker"
You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your puke from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow manages to get up before you the next morning....You try to lift your head. Not an option. It is when you turn your head too quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your forehead...that explains the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:23:20 GMT -5
Rating Hangovers
1 star hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well. However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and a side of gravy fries.
2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you chug is only irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP. Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've had 4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of diet coke -- yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
5 star hangover (*****) AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what you drank, and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your bed at your house.
6 star hangover (******) otherwise known as the "Infinite Nutsmacker"
You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your cheek is the bathroom tile or your puke from 5 hours ago. It is amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow manages to get up before you the next morning....You try to lift your head. Not an option. It is when you turn your head too quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock" faintly atop your forehead...that explains the stamp on the back of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:19:02 GMT -5
John, Joe & Jack
John, Joe and Jack were stranded on an island for several years. One day John found a Lamp on the beach so he picked it up and took it to show his two friends. As he started to hand it to Joe, John noticed it was dirty and he rubbed the dirt off.
Suddenly there appeared a Genie, who said, "I've been in that lamp for centuries so I will grant you each one wish for releasing me."
John said he was in the oil business in Texas and had a big beautiful ranch. He wished he could be back on his ranch. POOF! John was gone.
Joe said he wished he could be a millionaire on a cruise ship. POOF! Joe was gone too.
The Genie then turned to Jack and asked, "What is your wish?" After thinking for several minutes, Jack just couldn't make up his mind. He suddenly blurted out, "I wish John and Joe were here to help me decide."
POOF!!! John and Joe were back!!!
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:19:02 GMT -5
John, Joe & Jack
John, Joe and Jack were stranded on an island for several years. One day John found a Lamp on the beach so he picked it up and took it to show his two friends. As he started to hand it to Joe, John noticed it was dirty and he rubbed the dirt off.
Suddenly there appeared a Genie, who said, "I've been in that lamp for centuries so I will grant you each one wish for releasing me."
John said he was in the oil business in Texas and had a big beautiful ranch. He wished he could be back on his ranch. POOF! John was gone.
Joe said he wished he could be a millionaire on a cruise ship. POOF! Joe was gone too.
The Genie then turned to Jack and asked, "What is your wish?" After thinking for several minutes, Jack just couldn't make up his mind. He suddenly blurted out, "I wish John and Joe were here to help me decide."
POOF!!! John and Joe were back!!!
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:15:16 GMT -5
blond puzzle
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "please come over here and help me...I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started". Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her
boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and
shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"FIRST of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a tiger". He held her hand and said
"SECOND, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then........" he sighed, and said: "Lets put all these Frosted Flakes back into the box."
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:15:16 GMT -5
blond puzzle
A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "please come over here and help me...I have a killer jigsaw puzzle and I can't figure out how to get it started". Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger." Her
boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and
shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,
"FIRST of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble
these pieces into anything resembling a tiger". He held her hand and said
"SECOND, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of coffee, then........" he sighed, and said: "Lets put all these Frosted Flakes back into the box."
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Aluli
New Member
Posts: 31
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Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:28:32 GMT -5
In case they close on Christmas? Who knows...!
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