Post by Aluli on Apr 15, 2003 12:23:20 GMT -5
Rating Hangovers
1 star hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a
mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced
energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well.
However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still
feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and a side of
gravy fries.
2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay
but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you
chug is only irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a
rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP.
Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic
friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be
better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts
and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've had
4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of
diet coke -- yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too
quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted
you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of
booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that
you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like
you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes
look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a
reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
5 star hangover (*****) AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually
annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is
seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have
toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your
teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your
tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You
definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what
you drank, and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your
bed at your house.
6 star hangover (******) otherwise known as the "Infinite
Nutsmacker"
You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look
at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your
cheek is the bathroom tile or your puke from 5 hours ago. It is
amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow
manages to get up before you the next morning....You try to lift
your head. Not an option. It is when you turn your head too
quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes
in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not
ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you
smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in
the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock"
faintly atop your forehead...that explains the stamp on the back
of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by
alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes
and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is
your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.
1 star hangover (*)
No pain. No real feeling of illness. Your sleep last night was a
mere disco nap which is giving you a whole lot of misplaced
energy. Be glad that you are able to function relatively well.
However, you are still parched. You can drink 10 sodas and still
feel this way. You are craving a steak bomber and a side of
gravy fries.
2 star hangover (**)
No pain, but something is definitely amiss. You may look okay
but you have mental capacity of a staple gun. The coffee you
chug is only irritating your rumbling gut, which is craving a
rootie tootie fresh and fruity pancake breakfast from IHOP.
Last night has wreaked havoc on your bowels.
3 star hangover (***)
Slight headache. Stomach feels crappy. You are definitely not
productive. Anytime a girl walks by you gag because her perfume
reminds you of the random gin shots you did with your alcoholic
friends after the bouncer 86'd you at 1:45 a.m. Life would be
better right now if you were in your bed with a dozen donuts
and a meatball sub watching the E! fashion awards. You've had
4 cups of coffee, a gallon of water, 3 Snapples and a liter of
diet coke -- yet you haven't peed once.
4 star hangover (****)
Life sucks. Your head is throbbing and you can't speak too
quickly or else you might puke. Your boss has already lambasted
you for being late and has given you a lecture for reeking of
booze. You wore nice clothes, but that can't hide the fact that
you missed an oh-so crucial spot shaving, (girls, it looks like
you put your make-up on while riding the bumper cars). Your eyes
look like one big vein and your hair style makes you look like a
reject from the class picture of Revere High, '76.
5 star hangover (*****) AKA "Dante's 4th Circle of Hell."
You have a second heartbeat in your head which is actually
annoying the employee who sits in the next cube. Vodka vapor is
seeping out of every pore and making you dizzy. You still have
toothpaste crust in the corners of your mouth from brushing your
teeth. Your body has lost the ability to generate saliva, so your
tongue is suffocating you. Death seems pretty good right now. You
definitely don't remember who you were with, where you were, what
you drank, and why there is a stranger still sleeping in your
bed at your house.
6 star hangover (******) otherwise known as the "Infinite
Nutsmacker"
You wake up on your bathroom floor. For about 2 seconds you look
at the ceiling, wondering if the cool refreshing feeling on your
cheek is the bathroom tile or your puke from 5 hours ago. It is
amazing how your roommate was as drunk as you, but somehow
manages to get up before you the next morning....You try to lift
your head. Not an option. It is when you turn your head too
quickly only to smell the funk of 13 packs of cigarettes
in your hair, and suddenly you realize you were smoking, but not
ultra lights...some jackass handed you Marlboro reds, and you
smoked them like it was your second full time job. You look in
the mirror only to see remnants of the stamp "Ready to Rock"
faintly atop your forehead...that explains the stamp on the back
of your hand that has magically appeared on your forehead by
alcoholic osmosis. You have to be to work in t-minus 14 minutes
and 32 seconds and the only thing you can think of wearing is
your "hello kitty" pajamas and your slippers.