If you are choking on an ice cube, don't panic! Simply pour a jug of boiling water down your throat and presto! The blockage is almost instantly removed.
Helpful Hint #2
Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away!
Helpful Hint #3
Don't buy expensive 'ribbed' condoms, just buy an ordinary one and slip a handful of frozen peas inside it before you put it on.
Helpful Hint #4
Putting just the right amount of gin in your goldfish bowl makes the fishes' eyes bulge and causes them to swim in an amusing manner.
Helpful Hint #5
An empty aluminum cigar tub filled with angry wasps makes a wonderful inexpensive vibrator.
Helpful Hint #6
Avoid arguments with the misses about lifting the toilet seat by simply pissing in the sink. Then run the hot water, take the washcloth and swab the sink then wring the washcloth out and hang it one the side of the sink!
Helpful Hint #7
High blood pressure sufferers simply cut yourself and bleed for awhile, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.
Helpful Hint #8
A mouse trap placed on top of your alarm clock will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep.
Helpful Hint #9
If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives. Then you will be afraid to cough.