WHAT A GUY REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS...

[Aluli]

WHAT A GUY REALLY MEANS WHEN HE SAYS...

"I'm going fishing."
Really means... "I'm going to drink myself dangerously
stupid and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand,
while the fish swim by in complete safety."

"It's a guy thing."
Really means.... "There is no rational thought pattern
connected with it, and you have no chance at all of
making it logical."

"Can I help with dinner?"
Really means... "Why isn't it already on the table?"

"Ooh huh," "Sure, honey," or "Yes, dear."
Really means... Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned
response.

"It would take too long to explain."
Really means... "I have no idea how it works."

"I'm getting more exercise lately."
Really means... "The batteries in the remote are dead."

"We're going to be late."
Really means... "Now I have a legitimate excuse to
drive like a maniac."

"Take a break, honey, you're working too hard."
Really means...."I can't hear the game over the vacuum
cleaner."

"That's interesting, dear."
Really means... "Are you still talking?"

"Honey, we don't need material things to prove our love."
Really means... "I forgot our anniversary again."

"That's women's work."
Really means... "It's difficult, dirty, and thankless."

"You know how bad my memory is."
Really means... "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop',
the address of the first girl I ever kissed and the Vehicle
Identification Numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I
forgot your birthday."

"Oh, don't fuss. I just cut myself, it's no big deal."
Really means... "I have severed a limb, but will bleed to
death before I admit I'm hurt."

"I do help around the house."
Really means... "I once put a dirty towel in the laundry
basket."

"Hey, I've got my reasons for what I'm doing."
Really means... "I sure hope I think of some reasons
pretty soon."

"I can't find it."
Really means... "It didn't fall into my outstretched
hands, so I'm completely clueless."

"What did I do this time?"
Really means... "What did you catch me doing?"

"I heard you."
Really means... "I haven't the foggiest clue what you just
said, and I'm hoping desperately that I can fake it well
enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling
at me."

"You look terrific."
Really means... "Oh, God, please don't try on one more
outfit. I'm starving."

"I missed you."
Really means... "I can't find my sock drawer, the kids are
hungry and we are out of toilet paper."

"I'm not lost. I know exactly where we are."
Really means... "I'm lost. I have no idea where we are,
and no one will ever see us alive again."